My first and worst accident experience

I labeled this experience as a mixture of tragedy and comedy. When I looked back now I find myself laughing but not on the day I had it. The accident happened 2 weeks back and it was a bicycle accident. So let me narrate the exact sequence of how it happened, I hope I can do justice here because my English is not so good [someone told me so few years back but to be frank I don't believe him :)] OK now coming back to the topic.

It was a cloudy evening(Tuesday, Oct 6, 2009), and I left my laboratory at around 5.30PM and while inside the elevator I had this irresistible urge of having M&M( I am crazy after it). One month back I had decided to stop any type of chocolate or candy but when I was trying to decide whether to have it or not I was already standing in front of the vending machine on the ground floor. So broke my resolution and bought one packet of M&M thinking that would be the last time. Then I went to the bicycle stand, took out my bike and started riding. Around 1/2 miles from my workplace there is a downhill for approximately a distance of 100 feet and I was so into M&M that I decided to ride with one hand and used my other hand for eating M&M. I was doing pretty well till around half the downhill but I can't imagine till now why I pulled the full brake of the front tyre. You can imagine now what might have happened----- I was riding downhill and the front tyre suddenly stopped and my body and back tyre were still in motion. Newton's Law of Inertia was what exactly happened. I rolled with my bike and was in mid air for a split of second and fell off in front of my bike with my right side of face and head hitting the cement pavement of the side walk. And also my Ray Ban sunglasses came flying off. In that split second I thought I might die and was like,"Oh! this must be what people who are about to die must have felt". But luckily I didn't die and when I pulled myself up my newly bought corduroy pant was torn in left knee area and my knee was badly bruised with the skin all peeled off. But nobody saw me, I don't know whether I should be happy for that, may be I am happy now because nothing happened. Then I stood up and started driving back home but, on the way I started having mild headache. And that was the time I seriously started worrying about a possible head trauma. Once reached home, I looked my face on the mirror and saw bruises on my face too but they were not bleeding that much. I was more worried about the headache and my Ray Ban sunglasses which cost me around Rs 7000/- because it was damaged beyond repairable. And then I slept off skipping dinner and thinking I might never woke up from it.

But I was lucky here again, I woke up at 7AM the next morning and I was happy to know that I survived the first stage of danger.(May be it was just my imagination and I was thinking too much because I was afraid of dying and also I knew all the possible consequences of head trauma). When I reached my laboratory everybody looked at me and started asking about my signature bruises on my face. And I have to twist the story a little bit because how could I told them that I fell off from my bicycle while trying to eat M&M, that would be too embarrassing. So I skipped that part and told them that I pulled my brake and it just snapped, I didn't know why. Actually that was also a part of the incident, so I was not actually lying but skipping some other facts :) Then I went to the Walgreens store after work and bought some antibacterial ointment and band-aid. There I also bought some invisible band-aid thinking those might be helping for my face as everyone was asking me of the bruises. But the funny part was when I put and went the next day my colleagues told me it looked more obvious. So, I will consider that as cheating of customer as it didn't serve the purpose and also I wasted 5 $ on it. But the flexible band-aid for joint was very helpful.

Two to three days later I was talking to my friends about the incident and I told them that if something bad happened or if I died, my family members would be very upset but some of the people would surely have gossiped about it e.g." She went to USA to die in a bicycle accident and wasted tons of money!!!! she could have easily done that here". We had a good laugh imagining the circumstances but thank to God that it didn't happen that way. I was not able to ride my bike for one week but now I am on riding again but it won't be long as I am finally upgrading to a car ( bought a car recently). And also one of my very good friends told me things like that happened to carry away all your bad lucks, may be what he said is true......The comedy part here was-->I actually thought I might die and was very worried for 2 days and the tragedy part was--> my precious Ray Ban sunglasses which I bought after aspiring for 6 years was gone in a second and I won't be able to wear it again ( I am kind of possessive).

From this incident what I learned is that you should never try to avoid using precautionary measure because anything can happen anytime. Had I been wearing helmet ( I thought I won't be driving it for long as I already bought a car and don't want to waste 40$, so didn't buy one) I might have avoided the worry of trauma to my head and also my sunglasses would have been safe. So, it's kind of penny wise pound fool but I learn a lesson, that's one thing positive. Lastly but not the least anything is possible in head trauma. An incident where you thought is a minor head injury can actually be a life threatening one. So one must always be very careful of head trauma....


....ila

Catholic Funearal Experience

This was the first time I attended a catholic funeral in my life and it was my landlord’s mother funeral. The place we went is called Ork and is around 180 miles from Omaha so it was more than 3 hours journey. The funeral service was scheduled for 10 AM in the morning so we started from 6.30 AM. After a long time I got a chance to see sunrise from the car on the way, it was one very enchanting moment to remember. Four of us were traveling in one car and everyone was enjoying the beautiful moment. Once we were out of the city of Omaha my landlord didn’t hit towards Highway but through the road where he could show us the farmlands. It was such a beauty, I could say only Wow! Farmland stretched from one side of my peripheral vision to another and I couldn’t see anything other than corns and soybeans and cows shed in between. There were some houses and ranches in between but very few. It reminded me of my village to some extend even though we don’t have that much vast lands. We also passed through some beautiful small towns of Nebraska and one of the names is WAHOO… strange name I thought but realized the inhabitants are mostly Polish, Czech, Bohemians so the name sounds fit. It was a beautiful nice town where everybody knows everyone.

After more than 3 hours of driving and dozing off in between we finally reached Ork town where the funeral was supposed to take place. After some stretching and bending to refresh our body from the long hours drive we went into the Catholic Church where the funeral ceremony was planned. As usual we did some introductions and hands shaking and finally sat down on the church bench. One of my co travelers is a student from Tazakistan, he is Muslim and I am Hindu, and it was our first time so we are kind of trying to do everything what was going on out there. We have to stand and then sit multiple times while the church father was saying the prayers. We even joined the singing session, you know lips singing. After prayers we went to the cemetery site where the burial took place. There another session of prayers was performed and everybody left without putting down the body. When we asked why they told us that family and closed ones don’t like to see the body going down under the earth in front of their eyes. It does make sense. But one thing I learned for the first time was that everyone booked their place in the cemetery from beforehand and can put up the stone with their names written on it. And I saw some of the stones with only the date of birth with my own eyes and I was like wow!!! you can go to the cemetery and see the place where you are actually going to bury when you die and it has even your name written on the stone. To me it will be like visiting your future, maybe it is just my thought.

After that we had dinner party, I don’t know why they called it dinner because it was 1.00 PM when we had it. I preferred to call it lunch but remembered the saying, “When you are in Rome do what the Romans do”. So kept quiet and just follow the rules. After the dinner was over we have to attend a memorial ceremony in the Nursing Home where she was staying till her last moment. The service was attended by her fellow nursing home mates and family members. The nursing home was very nice and I got a chance to talk to some of the residents there, they seemed to be very lonely and were very happy and eager to talk to me. Looking at them I was like, I don’t want my parents to stay in a nursing home, it looks too lonely to me. After everything was over we finally left for Omaha at 5 PM, another 3-4 hours journey and reached home at 10 PM, ah!!! I was thinking why 5 hours while returning back, forgot to mention we had real dinner on the way. And also I forgot to mention one thing I noticed, I didn't see anyone crying, rather I saw relatives laughing and smiling and it was more like a family reunion and party than a funeral. May be it was different in different tradition because in our tradition funeral is a very serious and everyone will be either mourning or crying. May be in their tradition they don't cry openly or may be she was 87 years and their family thought it was life well spent as my landlord told me she was a very lucky lady and her life was full of happiness.

But overall it was a nice experience and got to see a Catholic funeral for the first time and also the vast Agricultural area of United States. It was a double treat for me.

....ila

I BELIEVE

I believe-
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe-
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a
while and, you must forgive them for that.

I believe-
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I believe-
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe-
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe-
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them

I believe-
That you can keep going long after you can't.

I believe-
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe-
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe-
That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there
had better be something else to take its place.

I believe-
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I believe-
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe-
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time!

I believe-
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe-
That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe-
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've
learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe-
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe-
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe-

That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe-
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other, And just
because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe-
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe-
That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe-
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe-
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a
friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I believe-
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe-
That the people you care about most in life are the essence of
life.
Tell them today how much you love them and what they mean to you.

( I found this while surfing net and thought I should share this with everyone )

....ila

My Chicago O'Hare Airport one shot coffee experience

I will always remember this coffee experience in Chicago O'Hare airport. It was an experience worth sharing. I reached airport late in the morning and my hotel check in time was at 3 pm so I have to kill sometime in the airport and it was not boring at all. Seeing different people from all parts of the world made my thoughts started wondering as usual....... "What would happened if we have only one country and one religion. Then we don't have to go through immigration check, no questioning, no deportation, there won't be any word called developed and developing countries, no rush in trying to enter rich countries like USA, no hatred between people due to difference in religious beliefs and no fanatics because nobody need to prove that their religion is the purest and best as everybody follow the same religion". But I have to clear one thing here. The kind of religion I am talking about here should give no restriction to women.

But after sometime my thoughts became blurred, that was when I realized my eyelids started dropping and I was like "why my eyes are not supporting my thought". I took me around 5 minutes to remember that I was not able to sleep very well the other day as I had an early flights. And I had to do something to keep my thoughts cleared as I haven't finished with my vision of merging this world into one country with one religion. So, I decided having I shot of coffee would be the best thing to do and that was what I got.

I first entered Starbucks but didn't trust much of the espressos and cappuccinos there as they were never successful in keeping me awake in my college days, so there began my journey of searching for some authentic coffee store whose coffee would make me wide awake. After a futile search for around 10 minutes I came in front of a small store which said " Authentic coffee here". I was like "what is this? I have never seen such coffee store before" and the price was 1.99$. But I knew I have to try this. So I told the salesperson I wanted a tall one and he asked me " Is it one shot". I was embarrassed to ask what was one shot so I said yes. And he gave me a coffee paper cup which was filled only with one inch of black coffee i.e. 12 ounce. I was about to ask "that's it" but thank God I didn't. I took one sip and I realized what he meant by one shot. I always love strong coffee but I have never had such strong and bitter coffee before in my life. And in no minute time I was wide awake and never felt that fresh before. At that moment I realized why they put authentic in front of their coffee name. It really suits their name. And I was able to concentrate fully on my vision of making this world a better place to live.

That was the best and the most bitter coffee I have ever had in my life and I rate it as my first real coffee experience or you can say authentic. I will always remember that taste and also Chicago O'Hare whenever I have coffee in future anywhere. And also if I ever get a chance to cross American Airway concourse on Chicago O' Hare Airport again I will be going directly to this shop to have their one shot authentic coffee. That is something I will definitely do.

....ila

Depression +nt..... Get help urgently!!!!!!!!!

Depression is a disease which you might be feeling shy to acknowledge but if you keep on hiding it, it might engulf you one day and ruin your life totally and you may not be able to get up again in your life. The life you once enjoyed will become a living shell with no meaning at all and all your dreams once you love will be blurred from your memory and erased finally. So please be aware of this deadly disease and it can happen to anyone.

Let me narrate you one true story about a guy who experienced the same situation. He always has a positive attitude in life but you know, at times you do things which you thought was right initially but later on realize it was a mistake and you have to bear the consequences of your action. The consequence here is depression. He was depressed to such a level that he didn't care about his life, career, family, friends etc. His life was just like a robot controlled by someone. But the one positive things about this person was his positive attitude in life where the disease called depression couldn't penetrate at all. During that time he always assured himself "I will never let this depression engulf me and one day I am going to defeat it". Initially it was only a thought in his mind but slowly he was able to put it into action and he kept on fighting and fighting. The moment he thought he was out of this depression, the reason for his depression always stroke back to tempt him and everytime he thought,"It is going to be different this time and I am going to be happy", but end up learning that they were all same, so he had to start the process of overcoming this depression again and again. But finally after 4 years of long struggle he was finally able to proudly say to himself, "I have done it".

Some days back I met him after a long time and he was a totally different person, it was very different from the time I saw him narrating his story to me. I thought to myself what depression can do to a person. When we were talking he told me," Depression is an addiction, unless you know the root cause and you are ready to be treated you are never going to be successful in treating it and it is very easy to fall in temptation just like a drug". But he was finally able to overcome his depression when he realized the reason for his depression is not worth and it was a mistake.
Here my message is that it was lucky for him that he was able to overcome but many of us may not be able to do that and eventually become victims of depression. And end our life without any meaning at all which otherwise would have been a beautiful one which we always have dreamt off. But there are ways to prevent it. Here are some of the conditions which will help you in finding you are having depression.

• Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (i.e., a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite
• Insomnia or hypersomnia (excessive sleeping) nearly every day
• Feeling restless or sluggish to the point that others notice
• Fatigue or loss of energy
• Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt
• Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness
• Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal thoughts without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide

My best advise will be if you have some of these problems you should get help from a psychiatrist. If you don't want to go directly to psychiatrist then at least talk to somebody whom you trust about your problems. Never ever keep it to yourself.

....ila

Life itself is a Lesson in Life

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity, all occur to test the limits of your soul. These circumstances actually make you do things which you thought were impossible. Without these small tests, if they be events, illness or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. Believe that "In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity".

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or break your heart, forgive them. For they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to who you open your hearts to and they are actually helping in meeting the right one for you.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.

Never drown yourself in the pool of bad things negative people think of you but take them as a challenge. Hold your head up because you have every right to and you know who you are. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you. Once you believe in yourself no force on this earth is strong enough to stop you from getting anything you want.

You can make of your life anything you wish. Never ever listen to negative people. Create your own life and then go out and live it. Then when you look back you will be surprised to see how much you have achieved by believing in yourself.

....ila

Watch whatever you wish for, it might just come true

Precisely, the story of my journey back to India started one day before the actual date i.e. 26th Feb 2009 where the real fun began. I was given a good luck and safe journey party by my friends and they took me to a Thai restaurant. The food was really good and one of my friends droved me back to my house. But after sometime I realized that I lost my wallet and I had everything inside it from money to visa cards. And I was supposed to leave next day i.e. 27th Feb. But thank God it fell down inside her car and she had to drive all the way from her home which was around 15 miles away in the chilly winter at 11 PM just to give my wallet. I will always remember that.

Now the real fun is coming. Next day everything was on time and I finally boarded my flight from Omaha and reached Newark. Here the waiting time for my next flight to New Delhi was 5 hours so I had to kill my time by any means. I kept roaming around like a rolling stone without any aim but suddenly I started thinking “Shit man it’s been almost one year I haven’t seen any real patient and if I continue like this I will definitely forget that I am a doc”. Then a small voice started whispering on the back of my mind “Why can’t you wish that you get to see one on your flight back to India”. I must have wished that because the saying “Watch what you wish for because it might just come true” actually fits here.

Once dinner was served and everyone was either sleeping or watching the in-flight movies, me too I was watching Pink Panther. Then suddenly someone shouted help help. It was from one row behind me and I turned to look what was actually happening. There I saw an old gentleman had fainted while he was standing on the hallway and a young guy was holding him. To be very frank here, I was actually afraid to approach them and said “I am a doc and let me handle it”. But before I could decide what to do I was already beside the old man and examining him for any danger. He came around after a few seconds and I asked him few questions to make sure that he was not in any danger. Came to know he had taken some scotch during dinner, otherwise he was perfectly fine although he was 80 years old. So I thought the unconsciousness might be due to postural hypotension due to dehydration from drinking alcohol. So I gave him some water and juice and told him to have a thorough check up once he reached India. But I had to keep a watch on him throughout the flight time and frequently asked him of any problem and couldn't close my eyes the rest of the journey. But luckily nothing bad happened. And I thanked to God for that and decided not to make such a wish ever again. But till now I still keep wondering how can it be possible that my wish actually came true so fast. It never ever happened before in my life.

The message here is that whatever you wish it should be something which is a win win situation and not like mine. Even though I got my wish but the old gentleman had to suffer. So be careful what you wish because your wish might actually put someone in danger in case it comes true.

....ILA

Dilemma of getting old....

It is around 4 o'clock in the evening today and the weather is quite pleasent, I am on my way to work as usual. The distance is 2 miles and I have to work on foot as I left my bicycle yesterday in my workplace. When I am few blocks away from my destination I see an old lady standing on sidewalk pavement with two small bags and holding a nearby railing trying to catch her breath. It is rare in United States to see such a scene. I am few metres behind her but she suddenly turns and smiles at me. She is such a beauty even her age couldn't conquer it and she suddenly reminds me of my grandmother.

I walk upto her and offer to carry her bags. At that moment I can see the relief in her face which makes really me happy. Before I realise we are on our way together, with me holding one of her bags and she my hand. We make a funny pair walking at snail speed and every passerby turns to have a look. I found out on the way that she is on her way to Walgreens store because every Saturday there is a discount coupons faciliity there. On the way she keeps on talking about all her medical problems after she found out that I am also a doctor. Inspite of her being 81 years old she is very informative of all her drugs and also all the medical terms. And so, I can see the real difference in awareness between developed and developing countries because even my mother doesn't even know the name of her medicines she takes for her heart problem.

When we are about to reach she informs me that her children are talking about shifting her from her apartment to a nursing home. And the next question she asks me is "It is the end of road in life right". The suddenness and the unexpectedness of the question makes me out of speech for a while which I cover it with my smile. After a few moment I answer her no it is not but I can sense that she is not satisfied with my answer even though she doesn't press it further for which I feel grateful to her. Because I have never imagine of a life in nursing home. I make a mental node to myself to think about it later.

We reach the store, introduce each other and I bade goodbye and head towards my destination. But half way through, I start thinking how is she going to go back with all the stuffs she will be buying when she is even having problem walking alone. When I come to my sense I realise that I am already heading back to the store. I find her reading the coupons ad. which is a very cute site. But I can't just tell her that I come back to take you back as it will sound very funny, so I end up window shopping inside the store. When I have enough of strolling I finally decide to wait for her outside but she sees me and seems to be genuinely happy to see me again. I just lie to her that I have to go to my workplace for just half an hour before she asks me any further question.

Then we both check out of the store and head our way back together as if we know each other for a lifetime and its our daily routine with me holding her bag and she my hand. On the way she advises me to be careful of walking alone and teaches me what to do if anything happens. And also she pours out all her medical history. She specially mentions her vertigo and deep vein thrombosis and also urinary problems whick makes her wake up every 2 hours at night to go to the restroom. I can imagine how tiring it must be. She also tells me I am her sister Teresa. When I ask what about mother Teresa, she smiles and reply that since I am still young, sister fits better. So, I end up being sister Teresa for one day, hope Mother Teresa who is in heaven is ok with it.

Finally we reach her apartment and exchange telephone number and I head back to my place. On the way I imagine myself how I will be when I reach her age. Will I be staying alone like her? Will I be walking alone like her? Will there be somebody to help me out? Will I be scared of staying in the nursing home? All these things make me wonder whether the western culture is really good because she would never have to worry about living alone had she been in my country, India. Then I hear a car horn which suddenly bring me to my sense and I am standing right in front of my place.

This inspiring experience makes my resolve stronger and I promise to myself that I will never leave my parents alone when they are old like Eleanor.

Ila....

Friendship

A friend is the one who tells you the truth
regardless of the cost,
A friend will help you find the things
you'd given up as lost.

A friend will never put you down
or make you feel alone,
He'll smile and try to comfort you
'cause together you have grown.

A friend is the one who picks you up
when you've fallen on the ground,
A friend is the one whose voice at night
is a welcome, warming sound.

So when you think you're on your own
and wish you had a helping hand,
Remember, a friend is the one who,
when you cry, will always understand.

Because the world is full of people
who will laughingly pretend,
But, when it's sad and down
you're lucky if you've got a friend ...



Is this true....I think so

When you've made mistakes and bad decisions
Who can you count on to tell you you're wrong?
When you feel you can't go on
Who will be there with a feel-better song?

Look into your heart and you will find
That person you can trust is not far away.
Look deep into yourself, don't give up,
For if you do, it's yourself you'll betray.

When you're looking for answers
To all your questions and dreams,
There is one person you can count on,
It's impossible, I know, it seems.

But take a few moments to look deeper inside.
Look into your heart and there you will see.
You'll be surprised when you find out
Who that person is.



....ila

God ways of teaching me a lesson

I think this is worth reading even though it is somewhat funny and unconventional.

Once there is a girl in a small town who had gone through many painful experiences in her life. She did't have anyone to tell her pain because she knew that people were going to laugh at her, so she turned to God and kept on pouring her heart out. In the beginning she kept on complaining God why all these things happened to her, why she was chosen for it, why she was made to go through it even though she didn't do anything wrong. She knew for sure that she didn't deserve all those things happening to her. She had so many questions in her mind without a single answer. She kept on nagging God everyday with the same questions but never got an answer to it.
So many years have passed and she almost gave up but one day something happened. She doesn't know till now whether to call it a miracle or self realisation. It was a beautiful Sunday morning of autumn season, she has just finished her breakfast and went to her room to complete some of her chores. Suddenly she heard someone laughing, she looked around but there was nobody. Then a voice said "My dear child have you ever try to experience what real suffering is, have you ever seen people in real pain, then you should look at a blind person walking with a smile on his face. His smile doesn't mean that he is not in pain, his ability to smile genuinely even when he is in pain means that he has conquered over his pain and realised that there is a reason behind it. Comparing to his, yours is not even a pinch of salt in the great sea of sorrow. So stop nagging me I have more important things to do and don't waste my time" and the voice started laughing again.
The little girl was a little taken back but she again said, "why me of all people with tears in her eyes". At that time she she felt a soft hand on her head and the voice smiled gently and said again,"Everyone on this earth has a scar in their life because life without a scar is a shallow life. And those whom I really trust get the hardest burden because I need them to be really strong to perform the task I choose for them". Then the voice smiled again and continue" Now you must be knowing why I chose that path for you".
The little girl suddenly opened her eyes and look around but she was alone on her bed. But there was a genuine smile on her face which wasn't there for a long time. Now she knew answer to every single question. At the same time she was a little embarrassed for not fully believing in God.
She prayed to God and made a promise that she will never complain of her life. And she finally felt that she was reborn again.


ILA

life is strange

Life is so strange and diverse that at times you feel like it's not yours any more. When you put your life on your palm and watch all the aspects of life like sorrow, happiness, joy, victory, failure unfold in the form of a rainbow it's kind of facinating. You become fully mesmerised by it that you are out of touch with the world. It's beauty is so drugging that you forget how time pass. You can keep on pulling every thread of each aspect but it's never going to end. You can spend your whole life on it thinking why this why that but it's never going to change.

I had half heartedly believed that everything happens for a reason so I wasted a lot of times on speculating and trying to find meaning in every rainbow of my life but it was of no use. But the one good thing I gain from this experience is that now I am able to fully believe that everything happens for a reason whether good or bad.

ila